Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries
By Marcel Koper
Boundaries permeate many aspects of supervisory work. We must be aware of our own boundaries as supervisors and frequently explore our supervisees’ boundaries. Brené Brown defines boundaries as ‘what you will and won’t accept’, particularly concerning behaviour. I appreciate her discovery that the most self-compassionate individuals are those with clear boundaries. There is an intrinsic link between boundaries and self-compassion, on which much of the work in supervision is focused.
When people are tired, stressed, and seemingly overworked, boundaries tend to become loose, and floppy boundaries create additional stress. When people are fatigued, they may find it difficult to say no and assert themselves. Without strong boundaries, we can spiral further into personal decline.
Boundaries have many layers beyond behaviour.
Personal boundaries protect physical space, emotions, and mental well-being. Relationship boundaries define expectations in friendships, family, romance, time, communication, and intimacy.
Work boundaries maintain a healthy work-life balance by managing workload, availability, and mutual respect in professional settings.
Digital boundaries govern online privacy, communication, and content engagement.
Financial boundaries establish limits on spending, lending, and financial independence.
Cultural and social boundaries ensure respect for values and traditions, while ethical and moral boundaries guide integrity and personal values.
Keeping track of all these boundaries can feel exhausting, but establishing and upholding clear boundaries is essential for overall well-being and healthy relationships.
When I experienced burnout in 2005, I established some resolute and ongoing firm boundaries: no after-hours work and no weekend work. Being firm about boundaries helped me bounce back and became increasingly easier to hold. It’s worth considering how firmly we hold our boundaries. For instance, now that I am feeling better, should I compromise my time off to address issues? Even though Mondays are a much-needed break from clients, should I do it on that day if something important demands my attention?
A classic role-related boundary that many supervisors struggle with is time boundaries for a session. You should start on time and finish on time, or a bit earlier, followed by a break between sessions. It can be tempting to extend time boundaries when juicy and meaty bits come just before the end of a session. Another boundary consideration for supervisors revolves around contact between sessions, including after-hours texts or calls. There are some boundaries that I strictly uphold, such as my commitment to never physically touch someone during a session, except for a possible handshake at the end.
I believe this is the space where supervision on supervision can be helpful. Here are some questions you could discuss with your supervisor:
What are the clear boundaries in my role as a supervisor?
When do I move into spiritual direction, pastoral conversation, or counselling?
How do I get feedback about boundaries and grow in my supervision style?
What are the boundaries between work and personal life?
Remembering that boundaries are closely linked to self-compassion, I hope this brief article encourages you to reflect on your own boundaries, which will ultimately enhance your client work.
