Good Supervision and Relationship Quality
By Julie McDonnald
Good supervision relationships thrive when there is respect, trust, mutual commitment to professional growth, and collaboration. Along the way, obstacles will arise that challenge the relationship, and ruptures can impair the effectiveness of supervision, requiring attention. Nick Bolton, in his article about what to do when things go wrong, suggests that the best approach is to have a courageous conversation about the nature of the supervisory relationship. What follows describes some common issues that can create ruptures in supervisory relationships and offers suggestions on how to address them.
When Contracting is Adrift
The supervisory relationship begins with contracting to ensure clarity of purpose from the outset. It is remarkable how frequently contracts are vague or ambiguous. The boundaries may be unclear, expectations about the process are uncertain, or expectations regarding the nature of supervision differ. Even with the best intentions and commitment to the contract, habits can develop that set both parties adrift.
Suggestions:
Name the concern.
Identify any misunderstandings.
Invite the supervisee to describe their needs and hopes for supervision.
Describe what you can and can’t provide.
Return to your original contract and talk about what’s there and make changes if needed.
The Perils of the Power Dynamic
There is always a power dynamic at play in the supervision relationship; ignore it at your peril. Monitor how power is manifesting between you. It can operate implicitly in the background and be barely noticeable, or it can become prominent when an obvious imbalance emerges. Power dynamics take place in both directions. Sometimes, a supervisor can take power away from the supervisee; at other times, a supervisee can give their power away. If a supervisor worries that a challenge might be perceived as a demand or intimidating, then the power dynamic is at play. If the supervisee feels intimidated or can’t speak openly, addressing the power dynamic might help.
Suggestions:
Notice if you feel like the supervisee is holding something back, deferring to you, or not speaking freely.
Notice if you’re starting to talk as an expert and giving advice.
Observe if you’re reverencing, providing power to, or intimidated by your supervisee.
When appropriate, describe what you’re noticing as a power dynamic between you. Create space for conversation and discuss how you feel about each other and how the power between you is held in balance.
When Values and Ethics don’t Align
We don’t all share the same values or ethical perspectives. When our values and ethics differ from those of our supervisees, a rupture in the relationship can occur. There’s often a positive sense of alignment that strengthens relationships, but when your supervisee values very different things, you may feel disconcerted. Recognising difference is essential. If you can’t respect the values and moral stance of your supervisee, it will become challenging to work together. If left unaddressed, resentments can develop, impairing communication and ultimately harming the relationship.
It’s important to note that your role is to support your supervisee in adhering to their professional code of ethics and have conversations with them if their behaviour is out of alignment. If the capacity to challenge your supervisee becomes evident, or either party clings to being right, repair is required.
Suggestions:
Name what you sense as differences and seek to understand your supervisee’s perspective.
Be curious about their values and how they have been formed.
Name differences and, if you can, say that you respect and even embrace differences as a way to learn from each other.
Own your part in the rupture.
If there is a breach of a professional code of ethics, discuss it. Invite your supervisee to consider their ethical perspective and, if it conflicts with their profession or if there is another reason, explore why they have breached ethical behaviour.
Watch as the relationship becomes more robust.
Having heard the perspective of the supervisee, can you name if things have shifted for you?
Acknowledge and affirm the efforts made for repair.
Lacking Psychological Safety
Supervision invites vulnerability, which necessitates a culture of psychological safety, trust, and respect. Developing a sense of safety is reinforced through initial and ongoing agreements regarding contracting and the supportive relationship that is built over time. If your supervisee doesn’t feel safe, it’s unlikely they will share their vulnerabilities or engage adequately in supervision. You might notice your supervisee deflects your questions, resists exploring issues or avoids connecting with feelings.
Suggestions
The starting point in establishing safety is in the contract you establish with your supervisee, so return to contracting. Ask what it is they need to feel comfortable in supervision. Name what you need to feel safe as a supervisor. Name anything that you might not feel secure about.
Recognise that we all make judgements and are impacted by unconscious impressions of others.
Reflect on your self-awareness and impressions of a supervisee, and notice your judgments/impressions and opinions. Consider if these are impacting the relationship.
Invite the supervisee to consider their judgments and impressions of you and ask if there is anything that is impacting the relationship.
Invite discussion and consider what is real and what is not.
Being vulnerable yourself will encourage the capacity for vulnerability in your supervisee.
Watch to see if the trust between you is extended.
Being too Directive has a Cost.
Supervisees often look to their supervisor for ideas, experience, and skills. We might enjoy sharing what we have to offer, and in certain situations, being directive and sharing information is essential. However, if being directive becomes a pattern, we might find ourselves constantly offering advice, ideas, and suggestions. If not monitored, the supervisee can become complacent, annoyed, or resentful. There is a risk that the supervisee may become overly reliant on your opinion and cease to develop their sense of autonomy in their work. This can lead to impairing their confidence and self-reliance, and also lead them to form the habit of relying on your perspectives and views.
Suggestions:
Pay attention to the dynamic between you to see who is doing all the talking.
Step back and name what you’re noticing.
Allow the supervisee space to explore and ask their questions.
Become curious about what the supervisee is unearthing. Ask questions and avoid statements so that they can deepen their emerging understandings.
The Risk of Toxic Niceness
People generally want to be liked and appreciated, and put effort into being kind. However, being excessively nice can hinder addressing challenges, conceal difficulties, and leave important issues unaddressed. Offering praise and affirmation is crucial to support the supervisee’s confidence, but if you sense yourself avoiding naming and acknowledging errors or mistakes, opportunities to learn can be missed. Some supervisees are sensitive and easily upset by any response that questions their views or actions. Others might be avoidant or resistant to any comments that question their actions. It’s worth exploring what’s being triggered in them and where that comes from.
Suggestions:
Check in with yourself and how comfortable you feel with not always being nice.
Notice if you feel like you are walking on eggshells with a supervisee, or getting pushback that is leading you to become avoidant yourself.
Find a time to name what you are noticing with your supervisee and explore the dynamic together in a session.
Give your supervisees the gift of honesty and invite them to be honest with you.
Consider whether the toxic niceness might be present in their work context. Talk about how they could model a more honest way of being.
When Emotional Detachment Arises
Numerous things can hinder emotional connection. You might feel like your supervisee is aloof or absent from you, even though you meet regularly. Perhaps you wonder if you are the right fit as a supervisor or if there’s something you are doing that hinders resonance in the relationship. Something might have changed after working together for a long time, where the conversation feels routine, stale, boring or irritating. You may lack enthusiasm for meetings and feel uninspired by your work together. If you’re not feeling connected, chances are your supervisee isn’t either. This can be felt in the lack of enthusiasm shared between you. Rather than going through the motions and ticking a box, it’s worth considering if an emotional detachment has developed and addressing the dynamic with your supervisee.
Suggestions
Step back and observe the dynamic in your relationship. What do you sense going on in yourself?
If you feel disconnected from your supervisee, ask them how they are finding the supervision at present. Ask what it was like in the past and if something has changed.
Share your feelings and wonder together about where that might be coming from.
Create a space for genuine reflection. In doing so, you foster an authentic conversation about the shared supervisory relationship.
Together, you can troubleshoot the challenges to see what can be done to reshape the dynamic and breathe life into the supervisory relationship.
Conclusion
Every supervision relationship is an opportunity for learning, connection, and developing super-vision: a big-picture perspective. A relationship that is sufficiently safe encourages the development of insight, which can emerge through reflexivity and vulnerability. If there is a rupture in the supervision relationship, the work becomes more difficult. The good news is that even the most challenging issues that arise can be addressed and repaired. If a rupture occurs in supervision, it should be dealt with. If it’s happening in supervision, it’s likely part of the broader workplace dynamic. Don’t leave things unsaid or hidden. Good supervision relies on strong, safe, and supportive relationships where dynamics are addressed so people can thrive in their work.
Reference:
Nick Bolton, ‘International Centre for Coaching Supervision. Ruptures, Rifts, and Remedies: 7 Ways the Supervisory Relationship Can Go Wrong and How to Address Them’, https://iccs.co/7-ways-the-supervisory-relationship-can-go-wrong/ 24 August 2024.
